How is high sensitivity in interpersonal relationships formed?
2022-05-07
In interpersonal relationships, there will always be some people who have difficulty controlling their "inner drama" and worry that others will give them "bad reviews". Such people tend to have a bad time, and most of them experience anxiety, fear, and depression, both emotionally and in friendship.
Those who "think too much" tend to have the following characteristics:
1. When speaking and doing things, pay special attention to the feelings of others
2. Always worry that others will reject you, criticize you, hate you
3. Be good at observing, can notice the non-verbal expressions of others, such as facial expressions, eyes and small movements.
4. Sometimes they are reluctant to express their true thoughts and feelings, and even avoid dealing with people
5. When he is really criticized or rejected, he pretends to be okay on the surface, but his inner reaction is often fierce
If all of the above characteristics match you, then in relationships, you are likely to be of the "highly sensitive" type. For people with high interpersonal sensitivity, every social interaction is like a test. Interpersonal sensitivity is actually a personality trait. People with high interpersonal sensitivity pay special attention to the behavior and feelings of those around them when interacting with others, and are particularly sensitive to rejection and evaluation.
This high sensitivity to negative feedback in the communication process is mainly manifested in two aspects:
1. Cognitively and emotionally, people with high interpersonal sensitivity tend to pay too much attention to possible negative feedback from others
2. For example, it's as if we start looking back and forth and imagining rejection before asking for help from others.
Sometimes, because I am too worried, I will keep delaying asking for help to the point where I dare not speak. On a behavioral level, people with high interpersonal sensitivity are more likely to overreact to negative feedback from others. Continuing with the example above, if our request for help is actually denied, for whatever reason, we're in a state of restlessness and failure. And for a long time after that, he will not contact each other again, nor will he seek help from others.
People with high interpersonal sensitivity tend to lack self-confidence. They will always misinterpret the intentions and actions of others, embarrass themselves when interacting with people, behave awkwardly, or simply avoid social interactions.
It can be said that their hearts are actually very fragile. For fear of being rejected and not liked by others, I dare not reveal my inner, possibly imperfect, self to anyone. Even sometimes, people with high interpersonal sensitivity will take the initiative to show that they do not like each other when they think that the other party may hate them, so as to maintain their arrogant and fragile self-esteem.
They often fall into self-doubt, wondering if they think too much, while continuing to worry about other people's dissatisfaction with them. It’s hard for us to feel happy if we’re in this kind of worry and struggle for a long time.
Multiple studies have shown that high sensitivity in relationships can negatively affect our social, emotional, physical and spiritual:
1. Social and emotional depression
Many people with high interpersonal sensitivity suppress their thoughts, emotions, and needs because they worry too much about what others think of them. Over time, due to self-fulfilling prophecies, it is very likely that people around them will actually ignore them, causing them to constantly encounter obstacles in their relationships. When interpersonal relationships become complicated, high-sensitivity people experience intense unease and even show a tendency to withdraw from social interactions.
2. Risk of mental illness
The high sensitivity of relationships can increase people's risk of mental illness, including depression, anxiety, and more. Due to being overly concerned with the evaluations of those around them, people with high interpersonal sensitivity often try to cater to others by constantly "changing" themselves. And in this kind of "change" again and again, they often ignore the true demands of their hearts.
How is the high sensitivity of interpersonal relationships formed?
1. The parenting style of "ruthless control"
Research shows that overprotective parents in childhood can make children sensitive and anxious when dealing with others. Among them, "controlling" parents who are overprotective and rarely take care of their children are the most likely to develop hypersensitivity in relationships.
In the attachment relationship, children will make two judgments:
One is to determine whether the family is able to take care of itself and be self-sufficient;
The second is to judge whether you are worthy of love in the eyes of your family.
Parents who are "ruthless and controlling" not only prevent their children from exploring the outside world, but also often deny their children's need for companionship and affirmation. The experience of being left out and being held back in these early attachment relationships can lead us to grow up believing that we are not worthy of love and need to rely on positive external evaluations to affirm ourselves. At the same time, we also have a hard time trusting others and believing that others will reject and deny us like our parents.
2. Frustration of psychological needs
Frustrated psychological needs refer to disturbances in an individual's experience of psychological needs, usually influenced by past social experiences.
People with high interpersonal sensitivity may have experienced the following situations:
In the past, we had needs in our hearts, such as panicking when we did something wrong, and wanting to be comforted. But the feedback from others is that taking responsibility for wrongdoing and needing comfort is a sign of weakness. Such feedback makes us feel that our own psychological needs are not good in themselves, and that having them means "I can't do it." The more similar experiences we have, the more frustrated our psychological needs become. Frequent frustration with psychological needs can affect the formation of our interpersonal abilities, making us sensitive in relationships and denying ourselves before speaking.
How do we adjust ourselves?
Although hypersensitivity in relationships can cause us a lot of trouble and risk, it is a character trait in itself, not a disease. After all, relationship hypersensitivity reveals our constant fear of relationships and the frustrations that build up over the years.
In a sense, none of these worries and sensitivities are superfluous, they protect you from imagined harms, the only problem is that those harms may not usually actually happen.
So, when we adjust ourselves, the first thing we have to do is to be more careful.
When are we particularly worried about being rejected by others?
1. When speaking to whom are you particularly afraid of their criticism and denial?
2. What was your reaction at that time? What is your inner feeling?
3. Ask yourself these questions and don’t change them right away.
Just accept who we are and make yourself more aware of who we are. Next, we can explore the core beliefs behind our worries and fears more deeply.
According to cognitive behavioral therapy theory, core beliefs determine how we see ourselves, others, and how we understand the outside world. Even if the manifestations of interpersonal hypersensitivity are the same, each of us may have different core beliefs.
We can find our core beliefs with the help of some books, courses or psychologists. In the process, we may become aware of how our core beliefs affect the way we view others.
On this basis, we need to understand that every core belief in our hearts, seemingly unshakable, actually represents some unmet needs:
1. To be recognized and praised
2. To be valued and trusted
3. Be accepted and treated well
Identify our true needs, because every time those needs are met, we have an opportunity to change our perceptions and shake those negative core beliefs. Perhaps, those of us who are highly sensitive to interpersonal relationships need a lot more time than others to believe that there is not so much rejection and criticism in interpersonal relationships.
Even those rejections and criticisms that do occur are often not directed at us. Until this day comes, each of our attempts has been a brave and rewarding adventure. They will take us bit by bit to clear the fog of fear in our hearts and see the truth in our relationships.
Those who "think too much" tend to have the following characteristics:
1. When speaking and doing things, pay special attention to the feelings of others
2. Always worry that others will reject you, criticize you, hate you
3. Be good at observing, can notice the non-verbal expressions of others, such as facial expressions, eyes and small movements.
4. Sometimes they are reluctant to express their true thoughts and feelings, and even avoid dealing with people
5. When he is really criticized or rejected, he pretends to be okay on the surface, but his inner reaction is often fierce
If all of the above characteristics match you, then in relationships, you are likely to be of the "highly sensitive" type. For people with high interpersonal sensitivity, every social interaction is like a test. Interpersonal sensitivity is actually a personality trait. People with high interpersonal sensitivity pay special attention to the behavior and feelings of those around them when interacting with others, and are particularly sensitive to rejection and evaluation.
This high sensitivity to negative feedback in the communication process is mainly manifested in two aspects:
1. Cognitively and emotionally, people with high interpersonal sensitivity tend to pay too much attention to possible negative feedback from others
2. For example, it's as if we start looking back and forth and imagining rejection before asking for help from others.
Sometimes, because I am too worried, I will keep delaying asking for help to the point where I dare not speak. On a behavioral level, people with high interpersonal sensitivity are more likely to overreact to negative feedback from others. Continuing with the example above, if our request for help is actually denied, for whatever reason, we're in a state of restlessness and failure. And for a long time after that, he will not contact each other again, nor will he seek help from others.
People with high interpersonal sensitivity tend to lack self-confidence. They will always misinterpret the intentions and actions of others, embarrass themselves when interacting with people, behave awkwardly, or simply avoid social interactions.
It can be said that their hearts are actually very fragile. For fear of being rejected and not liked by others, I dare not reveal my inner, possibly imperfect, self to anyone. Even sometimes, people with high interpersonal sensitivity will take the initiative to show that they do not like each other when they think that the other party may hate them, so as to maintain their arrogant and fragile self-esteem.
They often fall into self-doubt, wondering if they think too much, while continuing to worry about other people's dissatisfaction with them. It’s hard for us to feel happy if we’re in this kind of worry and struggle for a long time.
Multiple studies have shown that high sensitivity in relationships can negatively affect our social, emotional, physical and spiritual:
1. Social and emotional depression
Many people with high interpersonal sensitivity suppress their thoughts, emotions, and needs because they worry too much about what others think of them. Over time, due to self-fulfilling prophecies, it is very likely that people around them will actually ignore them, causing them to constantly encounter obstacles in their relationships. When interpersonal relationships become complicated, high-sensitivity people experience intense unease and even show a tendency to withdraw from social interactions.
2. Risk of mental illness
The high sensitivity of relationships can increase people's risk of mental illness, including depression, anxiety, and more. Due to being overly concerned with the evaluations of those around them, people with high interpersonal sensitivity often try to cater to others by constantly "changing" themselves. And in this kind of "change" again and again, they often ignore the true demands of their hearts.
How is the high sensitivity of interpersonal relationships formed?
1. The parenting style of "ruthless control"
Research shows that overprotective parents in childhood can make children sensitive and anxious when dealing with others. Among them, "controlling" parents who are overprotective and rarely take care of their children are the most likely to develop hypersensitivity in relationships.
In the attachment relationship, children will make two judgments:
One is to determine whether the family is able to take care of itself and be self-sufficient;
The second is to judge whether you are worthy of love in the eyes of your family.
Parents who are "ruthless and controlling" not only prevent their children from exploring the outside world, but also often deny their children's need for companionship and affirmation. The experience of being left out and being held back in these early attachment relationships can lead us to grow up believing that we are not worthy of love and need to rely on positive external evaluations to affirm ourselves. At the same time, we also have a hard time trusting others and believing that others will reject and deny us like our parents.
2. Frustration of psychological needs
Frustrated psychological needs refer to disturbances in an individual's experience of psychological needs, usually influenced by past social experiences.
People with high interpersonal sensitivity may have experienced the following situations:
In the past, we had needs in our hearts, such as panicking when we did something wrong, and wanting to be comforted. But the feedback from others is that taking responsibility for wrongdoing and needing comfort is a sign of weakness. Such feedback makes us feel that our own psychological needs are not good in themselves, and that having them means "I can't do it." The more similar experiences we have, the more frustrated our psychological needs become. Frequent frustration with psychological needs can affect the formation of our interpersonal abilities, making us sensitive in relationships and denying ourselves before speaking.
How do we adjust ourselves?
Although hypersensitivity in relationships can cause us a lot of trouble and risk, it is a character trait in itself, not a disease. After all, relationship hypersensitivity reveals our constant fear of relationships and the frustrations that build up over the years.
In a sense, none of these worries and sensitivities are superfluous, they protect you from imagined harms, the only problem is that those harms may not usually actually happen.
So, when we adjust ourselves, the first thing we have to do is to be more careful.
When are we particularly worried about being rejected by others?
1. When speaking to whom are you particularly afraid of their criticism and denial?
2. What was your reaction at that time? What is your inner feeling?
3. Ask yourself these questions and don’t change them right away.
Just accept who we are and make yourself more aware of who we are. Next, we can explore the core beliefs behind our worries and fears more deeply.
According to cognitive behavioral therapy theory, core beliefs determine how we see ourselves, others, and how we understand the outside world. Even if the manifestations of interpersonal hypersensitivity are the same, each of us may have different core beliefs.
We can find our core beliefs with the help of some books, courses or psychologists. In the process, we may become aware of how our core beliefs affect the way we view others.
On this basis, we need to understand that every core belief in our hearts, seemingly unshakable, actually represents some unmet needs:
1. To be recognized and praised
2. To be valued and trusted
3. Be accepted and treated well
Identify our true needs, because every time those needs are met, we have an opportunity to change our perceptions and shake those negative core beliefs. Perhaps, those of us who are highly sensitive to interpersonal relationships need a lot more time than others to believe that there is not so much rejection and criticism in interpersonal relationships.
Even those rejections and criticisms that do occur are often not directed at us. Until this day comes, each of our attempts has been a brave and rewarding adventure. They will take us bit by bit to clear the fog of fear in our hearts and see the truth in our relationships.
